Fresh Air

This morning, I woke up around 4:30am.  My eyes opened and I couldn't get back to sleep.   I thought for sure I would get up right then and there and go be productive.  It was not to be.  I stayed in bed until 6am when I got up and took a shower.  

I wasn't in a bad mood.  I wasn't in a good mood.  I just was.  Casey woke up as I got out of the shower and what started was the strangest Monday I've experienced in a while.  

Normally, I have a routine.  I get up, shower, get dressed, etc.   I go into the kitchen, if coffee is made I pour myself a cup.  If not, I make the coffee.  As I'm doing that I get my adderall ready for consumption, pour myself a fresh cup of coffee and head to my desktop.   I check the mornings news, facebook, go over my calendar and the list that I make for myself on the daily.  I prioritize what I want to do and then go about doing it. 

This morning?  Coffee, check. Adderall, check.  List, check.  I decided, as I finished my meds, that I wanted to go with Casey to drop our son off at school.  He has been uncharacteristically excited about a school dance that is taking place in a couple of weeks.  We teased Jack about not having conventional parents and he admitted that we are, in fact, pretty cool.  I couldn't help but giggle.   It was nice to not wake up and instantly be put on alert.   Casey was pretty relaxed, especially after the horrible day that was yesterday. 

You see, last week was difficult.  Thanksgiving was awesome, but the Sunday afternoon into evening and the week that followed? I'm going to do the long story short version because, well, I don't think these people deserve the five minutes that I've already spent writing this. 

The tl;dr is simple: All family members (with the exception of our nieflings - the word I'm using for my non-binary nieces/nephews) on Casey's side of the family have been blocked.  Casey's sister messaged her on Sunday, Casey messaged back and brought up several things, one of the biggest that her sister has been pretty much ignoring her since June (she said she would call, never happened), called her out on it, brought up other things while calling her out, all those issues were ignored.  Instead, Casey's sister turned into the tone police and attacked Casey for not giving out our address among other things. 

The facts are simple:  The M (mother) and the S (sister) are both narcissists.  They have refused to apologize to Casey nor do they see any problems with their behavior.  SIL is also a TERF.  For those of you not familiar with the term, TERF is Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.   There have been several times that SIL has made comments over the past few years (even before Casey came out) about how transwomen aren't women.  Her husband has made some comments in the same vein.   

Casey has been chasing a relationship with her sister for years.  S knows that Casey has been trying to chase this relationship. S does not even remotely care.  S seems to have a big problem calling her "my sister," too.  That's okay though.  Casey has deleted and blocked her from social platforms.

Casey woke up this morning and even admitted that she was surprised that she felt lighter.  We have been waiting for the other shoe to drop for a while now as far as they are concerned.  I'm glad it happened now and not closer to Christmas.  

I am looking forward to starting the REAL healing process with Casey now.   I'm looking forward to not having this anxiety in the background.  Casey says that she wishes that they would come around, but I know they won't.  I think on some level she knows this too.  Unfortunately, I don't think she will ever be able to look at her childhood photos again, which is something she really wanted to do.  She has very much wanted to go through albums and recontextualize everything, looking back now knowing that she has always been trans but not having the actual vocabulary to explain it.   

I don't hold any hatred towards Casey's family any longer.  I'm done with that.  I'm going to concentrate going forward on just loving my wife as much as I can.  I'm going to concentrate on putting love in the world towards all those people whose family are just like hers - complete assholes.  I'm going to concentrate on my own family and create as many loving and wonderful memories as I can with them.  I'm not going to allow those people to fart on my rainbow anymore.  

In time, they will fade away from our memory.  I honestly feel sorry for them.  I can't even imagine treating my own children let alone another human being, the way they have treated Casey.   They will continue to wallow in their own self misery and eventually they will die angry.   Rest in peace, bitches. 

Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to go out and enjoy the brilliant sunset that is happening outside our house.  Tomorrow will be another new day and every day it will get easier and easier.