Love Songs for the Legal Adults

 This is a gratuitous I love Casey post.  I know, it's either complaining about the parents or love posts.  Well, buckle up because the love posts are going to get a lot more mushy. And the parent posts? Yeah, not worth the mental space.

 I promise I'll post more fun stuff, too.  I've got a few posts in the works.  Lots more writing from Jess.  AND Hopefully, I can get Casey to finally post on here, too. 

Casey and I celebrated our 18th Wedding Anniversary last month.  Wedding anniversary and Valentine's Day all rolled into one month.  You'd think romance overload, but we decided when we got first married, because it was so close to Valentine's Day, we would benefit if we just did our anniversary instead of Valentine's Day.  

We try to do something every year, but usually our anniversary is marked with some form of disaster.  And by disaster, I mean it can be something as little as we just don't feel like one of us is in a bad mood or doesn't want to do something or something that at the time I thought was catastrophic (and thankfully, that ended up not being the case) - your husband coming out as trans.  

Wow, that sentence was hard to write.  The funny thing is, most of you probably don't think it's for the reason you think.  The reason the last bit of that sentence was hard to write were the two words: "your husband."  I don't see Casey as my "husband."  Casey is my WIFE.  Reading/writing the word husband in relation to Casey just sounds wrong in my brain now.   

You were probably thinking it was the whole thing: "your husband coming out as trans."  In the moment, when Casey came out to me, days before our 15th wedding anniversary, I didn't know what to think.  The TL;DR for those of you new here, I thought our marriage was ending.   That, thankfully, wasn't the case.  The other long story short- we're still together.  

That's not to say that the past three years have been incredibly hard and we have come very near our breaking point several times.  Yes, people, it's not all sunshine and rainbows all up in our five acres in the country.  It's been really fucking HARD.  There have been a lot of downs but there have been a lot of ups as well.  Every time I think we're going to crash and burn (and it would be spectacular on a level only akin to the most juicy TikTok drama that you could possibly tolerate) we somehow talk it out, scream it out, push, pull, stop and take a minute.  Stand back up, breathe, start talking again.  Crying.  So much crying.  If this was two years ago, we would be screaming at ourselves for using so much toilet paper as tissue. 

We move forward. We keep going.  One of us falls, the other picks her up.  

Our marriage is the same age as a legal adult.  Our marriage, if a person, could get married themselves. They could vote in the upcoming presidential election.  They could sign a legally binding contract.  Casey and I have been married for 18 years.  That's pretty fucking awesome.  My own parents didn't make it 18 years.  And much like my own 18 year old self could and would do - our 18th anniversary through a massive temper tantrum.  Courtesy of me. 

I had a bad day. A really bad day.  I was dealing with a really difficult deal and I was doing everything to hold everything together.  Long story short, we didn't communicate effectively.  It turned into three days of me not talking to Casey, culminating in a three hour fight and cry fest. Every thing was laid out on the table that weekend.  We came out on the other side, as cliche as this sounds, far stronger than before.  Ugh.  That sounds so blech.  Too cutesy.  Too optimistic.  

Just like an 18 year old facing real life for the first time, all bright eyed and bushy-tailed.  This time, though, that 18 year old has two 42 people behind it. These two people have been married this whole time.  They have been honest about how they don't have it all figured out.  They've been honest about how it's really fucking hard out there.  They've been honest about their emotions and they have taught them to communicate their needs and wants. 

Casey and I have been through pretty much everything at this point.   I know more is coming down the road.  It's life, who's to say there isn't?  I do know one thing, though, I'm having a great time.  I love Casey.  She loves me.  Life is pretty good.