Hormonally Female
I feel like this needs to be celebrated. Even though we're far from being anywhere near done, the fact that the hormones are on the female side of things? Yeah, I feel like that is huge. Casey says she still has a long way to go. I'm one to celebrate the little victories. And me celebrating the little victories? This means that I'm well on the mend as well. If you had asked me a month ago, I would have been like "Cool." That would have been all. Acceptance with a nod and a hug. Today? I'm feeling great. I want to celebrate my wife being hormonally female. Silly, perhaps. We don't get too many wins these days so I'm taking what I can get.
Wednesday and Thursday were pretty horrible for Casey's anxiety. She was nervous on Wednesday about her doctor's appointment. She came out to her psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said "Whenever you're here, I know something is up." Anxiety really sucks. In your head, it makes you think that what other people might think is a big deal and turns it into this giant mountain of stress. Casey didn't sleep the night before. I slept but every time Casey tossed, I would wake up. I spent most of Wednesday tired. Almost immediately after the psychiatrist, Casey got the lab results. So, that was a little bit of stress off.
After discussing with the endocrinologist, Casey requested to start progesterone. This will help with the feminization. Her breasts have already started growing. Not gonna lie, I'm having fun there. Didn't think I would. And if I'm being completely honest I always told Casey that I wasn't sure how I would handle her with breasts. So far, I like 'em. That's all I'm gonna say about that. I don't think I'm quite ready to have the sex talk with everyone yet.
Thursday was another huge milestone. We did our first laser hair removal appointment. The woman that did the treatment was very awesome. We told her going in that Casey was transitioning. Casey was more of a mess on Thursday than Wednesday. I had her take a xanax and off we went. After a brief shopping trip to Ikea (I needed another bookshelf), we went to the office. Casey was nervous. We sat on the couch outside the office and I just hugged her. The technician let me come into the office with Casey and I held her hand for the first few rounds on her face. Casey told me I could go sit and I didn't have to hold her hand after a little while.
Casey said the whole procedure was mostly painless and we set up for the next one. This is going to be a long process. Looks like every 6 weeks for a year (if not more). She wants me to come to the next one, too. I'm just going to schedule myself off for those days. Casey hates driving and I can negotiate Tampa easier than her, so I get to be the driver.
We still haven't heard from Casey's parents. His sister has been texting us, though. I've been playing everything close to the vest, not saying too much. After going back and forth for weeks, our youngest wanting me to hang our "Be Excellent To Each Other" wood cutting on our "wall o family" (it's a big wall in our house where we have a ton of family photos) and both Casey and I laughing at the irony due to the fact that his parents picture is still on the wall and the fact that there are so many anti-trans bills being sent through various state houses currently, she just decided enough was enough.
She has been waiting for them to say something, anything. We've gotten nothing. All Casey really wanted was something like "Hey, I know it's kinda rough out there right now. Are you okay?"
Of course that would have been answered with a resounding no and how could you even begin to think that we're okay? Casey says that they can go fuck themselves and I wholeheartedly agree. Our youngest has a birthday at the end of this month. If they send something, I'm going to send it right back. My kids have grandparents that love them, call and facetime. They have an amazing aunt (my biological sister) that is always getting them little things that she knows that they would love. We don't need anyone in our lives that doesn't want to be there.
I was raised with a big family. Yes, I was an only child (until a couple of years ago - long story, I'll save it for another blog entry), but I always had cousins around and everything. Fights happen, you don't always see eye to eye. I have not, however, seen a parent treat their child the way that Casey's parents have treated her. So yeah, I'm on the same page as Casey - Fuck them. In fact, fairly sure this will be the last time I mention them in the blog.
I am very much back to my whole "Don't need that negativity in my life." I feel strong enough to keep that wall up. I am past the whole be nice for the sake of being nice thing when it comes to them. For a very short time there I was like "If they come over, I'll let you visit with them and I'll just excuse myself and go somewhere not here." But knowing that they left without telling their child where they were moving to? That's some utter and complete bullshit. They are now officially on my list of people I don't have to be nice to. There are only 5 people on that list. Casey's parents are 2 of them. The others... well, I won't get into that. Out of sight out of mind. The last time I ran into one of them I'll just say that particular person got a very very shocked look on her face and proceeded to turn tail and walk very very quickly out of the Walmart. Guess you didn't need that cart full of stuff, huh?
So yeah, that's where we are. I've got a lot of conversations between me and Casey that I've recorded to turn into blogs. I think I'm going to start working my way through those. Could be fun seeing as some of the conversations were done under the influence. My friend Raven is encouraging me to write a book. I may do that. It's just tough to actually sit and write sometimes, though. Who knows, though, right? Anything is possible!
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