Valentine's and Phone Calls

 Author's Note:  This entire post will probably be a vent session aimed at my in-laws.  There will be language.  It's not going to be pretty.  I also realize that my blog hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, but I'm working on it.  Therapy is a wonderful thing.  THIS post, however, is nothing but "OMG! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES I HATE YOU!!!"  

If you didn't know already, I currently have a pretty contentious relationship with my in-laws.  They behaved atrociously when Casey came out of the closet.  I can't help but (angrily) laugh about the situation because when Casey came out as bi, several months before coming out as trans (there was some admitted chickening out on her part), they were both like "called it."  

Casey's dad even admitted that he thought Casey was gay as far back as when Casey was a toddler.  Yeahhhhhhh...

Our Valentine's Day was low key.  They generally always are as our anniversary is on Feb. 18th.  If you want to grace us with well wishes, chocolates, flowers or even tacos, they are all welcomed.  Yesterday we went to do some grocery shopping, we bought some tombstone pizzas, I made some patacones (fried plantain) and binge watched some Gossip Girl. 

Somewhere around the third episode I started, Casey's Mom called.  It was kind of funny because my sister called at the same time.  I hadn't talked to my sister in about a week and really wanted to chat with her but at the same time, I'm over here thinking I need to pop some popcorn because I knew shit was about to go down.  

I instantly went into anxiety mode - my brain going a million miles an hour, thinking about all of the potential ways the conversation would go.  Would it be good, would it be bad? (My bet was that it was going to go with no real progress at all.) My heart started pounding as I went and sat on the edge of the bed, eavesdropping on the call.  It started off very calm.  I don't remember what was discussed at the beginning, but I do remember feeling like "Okay, let's get to the meat and potatoes already."  There was an apology - sort of.  His parents both ate a lot of crow.  BUT it wasn't necessarily heartfelt and it wasn't necessarily enough.  AND on top of that, when Casey explained to them that this was just a beginning step, that it would take a long time to rebuild that trust and even then I might not be as open to them as I was previously, something to the effect of "what the hell is her problem?!" was uttered.    

Really?! Are you seriously going to be asking that?  That was when Casey gave them plenty of examples, to which they responded that it went both ways.  

Not only have we taken care of animals for them in the past, house sat for them, even milked goats for them, but the more I think about it, the more I get angry.  I can't count the number of times that I've had the kids call and leave cute messages.  I've sent flowers, mother's day, father's day, and birthday cards.  I've called or posted on facebook happy anniversary.  I have done everything that my Mom raised me to do and that my efforts were not even noticed?!  

I am so angry that I've wasted all that time on them.  In my mind, this conversation solidifies my reserve to keep them out of our lives.   And the worst part?  It absolutely breaks my heart.  Their excuse? And it's definitely an excuse, is "that's just the way we are."  Seriously.  And yet, God forbid, we miss Casey's mom's birthday? We would get a phone call the next day bitching us out for missing a birthday.  Why is it that when it comes to them, we have to do all this and yet they're under no obligation to do the same? 

Casey and I are a package deal.  Our kids are included in that package.  You don't want to participate in our lives, that's fine.  BUT don't go expecting us to do what you absolutely refuse to do.  It's bullshit and I have had my fill.  

Our anniversary is on the 18th.  I'm going to clean my mind and try and plan something romantic.  Maybe Casey and I can escape for a couple of days...  That would be nice.