Powder kegs, lies and a lit fuse.
And then they hung up on Casey.
Their parents hung up on their child. Yeah, we're going to unpack that along with a whole bunch of other shit in a minute. So, grab some popcorn my lovelies! You're in for a real shit show!
I found this great quote from author Colleen Houck: "The fuse is lit. You can run all you want but you leave a trail of gunpowder in your wake. There's going to be a reckoning eventually." Well... that reckoning is upon us and the end is nigh, y'all.
Let's start with a re-cap of this past weekend. We finally made things "facebook official." Not that Casey is on facebook much. It's more of a platform for me than Casey. I do a lot of business on there and I also use it to share my life with my friends and family that is difficult for me to see often (Chicago, Panama, Indiana, etc.). I am constantly posting pics of the kids, our adventures and funny stories and conversations. Everyone was very supportive. There were lots of private (and public) messages from friends and family offering support and love. It was a little overwhelming and it felt nice to know that we have that support.
Everything on the blog posted all at once over the weekend because I didn't want to publish anything until Casey okayed it. Casey reading my blog about him coming out was nerve-wracking . He said he remembered things very differently (that's another blog) and we talked about it for a while. He okayed it, though, and I posted it. Before I did, though, I made sure that his parents, sister, her family and anyone else connected to them was NOT on my social media. This meant I needed to sever the back door "friends of friends" connection. Just to be on the safe side, I had the kids delete certain family members from facebook.
Now, before you go getting all "you shouldn't ask that of your kids" let me get one thing clear. For 17 years I have taken a lot of shit from these people. They have been disrespectful to me, they have been dismissive of me and at one point Casey's father has even told me that I was not family. This was as recent as maybe 7 years ago? I know this was when we lived only about 5 minutes away from them in the country, though. I have invited them to participate in our lives since before Casey and I got married. I have invited them to school functions, sent pictures to them regularly of the kids as they grew, I have invited them for all the holidays, I have invited them to family dinners, game nights, etc. I can count on my fingers the number of times they have visited us or participated in anything that our family has done.
Now, I'll give Casey's parents props for one thing: they have watched our kiddos on a few occasions - one of which was when I was in full on labor for a week when our last kiddo was born. Our son did, however, at the tender age of 4, come home saying "you little bastards" and "Goddammit it!" I thought it was funny at the time, but now I really gotta wonder... (Note: Casey's Mom was mortified by this.)
SOOOOO... Yeah, I know, you're getting all the exposition but none of the story.
I had a client on Saturday and about when we started wrapping up, I get a text on my phone. It's from Casey's sister. She's started the message about therapy and wondering if Casey had found someone (none of her business) and then she asked how we were doing.
Remember how I told you about how his sister likes to stir the pot? Before I'd ignore the machinations. This time, though... After her stunt and manipulating things to make herself look better? (It's the only reason I can come up with, seriously.). I got home and I told Casey. I didn't respond to her message. I told Casey what it said, he laughed as hard as I did when I got the message.
Did they really think I'd be open to discussing ANYTHING with her after the bus she tried to throw Casey under? She can take her TERFy ass and turn right back around. Bye, Felicia!
I was able to shrug it off but then as I'm crawling into bed, our oldest texts me a screenshot. It's a message from her "grandma" asking why she had unfriended her on Facebook. Now, my oldest is on the spectrum. She gets freaked out and anxious over the smallest of things. I told her to delete and ignore it. Casey was in 100% agreement.
And then at 10:47pm, I get a text: "Why did my grandbabies unfriend me on Facebook? Grandma X".
I know I say this a lot lately, but seriously - WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
Below is the letter that I wrote to them this morning at 6am. I didn't send it because, well, honestly the letter was cathartic and it explains a hell of a lot. That, and honestly- I don't need to communicate with them any further until they apologize. Here we go:
To XXXXX and XXXXX:
I received your text last night at 10:47pm. I knew something was up when XX texted yesterday afternoon. Her "Are you guys okay?" and "I haven't talked to the parents for weeks." statements were laughable. There wasn't even an attempt to cover up her (and possibly your) attempt to manipulate me.
Do you really think I am that stupid? Oh honey, you have constantly underestimated me and it stops here.
For starters, how dare you text Lily with your bullshit. She is a good kid and she doesn't understand manipulation, nor does she see it when it's happening. You wouldn't know that she's a good kid, though. Seriously- why the hell would you be texting her? You have NEVER ONCE texted her. You have never called her on her birthday, and I don't even think you managed to stick around for her high school graduation. "Grandma X." What kind of bullshit is that?
What? Now all of the sudden you want to be a part of the kids' lives? When I've been trying to get you involved with them for years?!
I have tried to get you and X to come to school events, concerts, graduations. I have invited you to family dinners. I have been a fucking ray of sunshine through two ruined vacations thanks greatly in part to X. I have tried everything in my power to get you two to like me and have been dismissed and belitted time and time again.
You and your husband yell at your son, belittle him, tell him to go back into the closet- man up and suck it up and I'm just supposed to be okay with that?! I'm just supposed to sit back and sing, la de de! It's okay Casey! Your parents are totally wonderful people that have your back! (That's sarcasm by the way.)
No, I'm not playing your game. The door is closed. You have not wanted to participate in our lives for a very very long time. I have been letting a lot of your shit slide for the past 17 years of marriage to Casey. I have not wanted to rock the boat, appear that I was trying to come between you and your son, but I am absolutely done.
You cannot expect us to just simply let this behavior slide. Casey has always been the peacemaker in your family. [Casey's sister] has this wonderful way of adding gas to whatever fire she starts and I have a feeling that she was responsible for starting this as well.
Casey is absolutely right. [Casey's sister] is a "narc" and she manipulates information to make herself look good. The message from her today was a clear attempt at gathering information. She hasn't talked to you in weeks. Bullshit.
If this had been a few weeks ago (pre-Casey coming out), I probably would have answered back politely. I would have seen her trying to pump me for information and I would have said something like "We're hanging in there." But it's not a few weeks ago. It's has been nearly a month since you very loudly yelled "I SUPPORT YOU DAMMIT!" at Casey and hung up on him.
Let me show you some very basic things you COULD have done in the very beginning to salvage your familial relationship.
1. You could have asked Casey if there was anything he needs. You didn't. You specifically told him that he needed stronger pills. Specifically one in particular that is an opiod.
2. You and [Casey's Dad] could have told Casey that you love him no matter what. You did say "I love you" but there were caveats there. It wasn't an unconditional love that you should have for your child.
3. You could have asked how he, I, or the kids were doing. You didn't. You instantly went to fearmongering and telling Casey that he was going to ruin the family and our lives. You said that our kids were going to be bullied, they'd be outcasts, blah blah blah.
I am done keeping my mouth shut about how YOUR family treats each other.
I do not appreciate the attempt at manipulation by [Casey's sister] nor you. Why don't the two of you pick up the phone and call him yourself? While you're at it, apologize for your horrific behavior. There will be no communication from Casey until a REAL apology occurs.
As far as me? I want nothing to do with you. You have crossed a line and I'm done.
And really quickly- back to the grandbabies thing? Maybe if you participated more in their lives and weren't such assholes to their father or even put forth an effort to communicate with them, they might want to have a relationship with you.
My Dad drives 11 hours to visit us. We lived 5 minutes away from you for SEVEN GODDAMN YEARS and I can count the number of times we saw you on one hand. My Dad actively participates with his grandchildren. He has taken them camping, he has spent holidays and important events with them, he plays games with them (even if he doesn't know how to play, he still tries!). M specifically requested they decorate sugar cookies together at Christmas because she likes how "Papa" is silly.
He is 79 and knows more about the kids than you do.
I talk to my Dad every day. If we aren't on the phone, we're texting or emailing. I did the same with my Mom before she forgot how to use the phone. She was very confused, but she came to Lily's graduation party. She knew Lily would be graduating and it was so ingrained in her brain that it was a priority for her to be there. My Mom had DEMENTIA and she knew more about her grandkids than you do. All three of them spent time with her MONTHLY. My Mom passed away surrounded by pictures of her grandchildren - she couldn't remember names, but she knew they were family. Casey has even said that he had a closer relationship with your mother than our kids have with you.
Do you have any idea how heartbreaking that is?
I do not understand you or the way you treat your immediate family. I have heard [Casey's Dad] on several occasions say that he doesn't even like [Casey's sister]. You have BOTH talked crap about her in front of me on several occasions. I'm fairly sure you've talked shit about me and Casey as well. I am to the point now where I don't have any more fucks to give as far as you're concerned, but I have to ask- What kind of parent does that?! I can't even begin to imagine doing that with our kids. Even the issues we had with L when she stayed with her dad, not once did I ever talk crap about her. Not having L with us for that year absolutely destroyed me. How are you possibly okay with your behavior?
Your actions speak volumes. You're upset that your grandkids aren't facebook friends with you anymore? Boo fucking hoo. Get over yourself. Casey and my children are my priority. I do not need nor do I have time for your and [Casey's sister's] games.
Apologize. Legitemately apologize. If not, you're perfectly welcome to die angry. That's up to you.
Just so you know, dear reader, I am perfectly aware that this whole thing will now be shoved onto my shoulders. I am the scapegoat, as I always have been. I'm not family, I'm not important. I'm the bad guy here. Fuck that noise. I quit.
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